Carry Water, Chop Sticks, Zenning out

Well at least one friend of mine seemed a little bored by my last blog about doing wash, and how she hoped that my life in China wasn't about the day to day. But yes it is, and now, upon reflection that has been part of the interesting bits and one of the challenges of being here.

I ran across an American here who seems invested in having the most important, coolest, most dramatic, bestest time here. She is not bound by any schedule really but her own, so she can. She has to go here and see this, she has to go there for the most authentic experience, etc etc. I cannot just hop around Xi'an, except at night. And they change things up on us. I am here to work, or "on business" or something. Latest example: I thought up until 6:00 tonight that I had tomorrow morning free, Saturday morning for us. Saturday afternoon is not free as we are taking the kids somewhere. But no, I ran across Y in the hall and she told me that the assistant principal wants to take us out to a fancy restaurant for lunch before we go on a field trip with the kids. I do not want to go to a fancy restaurant and listen to people talk Chinese tomorrow at 11. I want to eat these weird German cornflakes I found in the international supermarket on the main drag and ride my bike. But it is my job. So I found the nice blouse I am going to wear, will put out play clothes for the trip with the kids and hope I get back in time from this lunch to change out of the fancy clothes.

I was invited out for dinner -- strictly social!!!-- by some British expats for tomorrow night and I do want to go. But we may not be back in time. I cannot control the time things happen here. It is just the way it is. One of these Brits says his all purpose response to the unexpected, a daily occurrence, is "Welcome to China."

I signed on for an experience, but no one could predict what the experience would be. China is so not the United States, not in any way, not if you use any of your senses or any other faculties at your disposal. Things do not run like clockwork, except the bell schedule in the school. The school curriculum runs in a set pattern, which is its own entry I guess. But, how I function within that predictability is not the most interesting or instructive part of my experience, actually.

Yes, here, my world is smaller for a while -- we are out in the middle of nowhere really --the bike, my biggest indulgence, helps -- and I live where I work, literally steps away from it. I struggled in a lot of different ways when I got to Xi'an. Some days it was adjusting to the food or issues with my living quarters. And sometimes too I fought against some things I could not name. Issue of time, space, my own demons. Who knows. Well, OK, I do have some ideas.

But now, I have gotten a little better at letting go of the struggle, maybe because that is all there is to do. I do not want to be the cause of my own struggle by holding on to something that is elusive or some that is a fantasy, like an outcome I cannot control. "Let go of all striving," as Sudha in the Kripalu yoga video reminds us. Striving to be perfect in a yoga pose there, striving to have some perfect experience here. And yeah, knowing me, I will have to remind myself of this again, maybe as soon as tomorrow. There will be endless opportunities to practice in this organic Zen way.

I have been attempting various forms of Taoist and Buddhist practices since I was a teenager. "Practice" is a great word. You get to keep trying and trying; it becomes its own activity. Then you get to point where, as Yoda says, "There is no try; there is only do." What is different here is that sometimes the the day to day has its own acuity and color that it doesn't have at home. Carry water, wash clothes. When will I have the opportunity to do this again? (Remember I am a romantic and a dreamer after all, which is how I was pulled into Philosophy in the first place probably.)

At home I can do laundry in my house and do 10 other things at the same time and still have clean clothes for the next day or same day if I really wanted. And I can be very busy! Hurray for me!! But I hope that after I return and my life goes back to the way it was that I never take for granted what I could do here. Or maybe in some way it won't go back to the way it was. Or I won't. If I'm lucky I won't.

I am "seeing China", am visiting tourist locations. I am also seeing China in the people I eat lunch with, the people who were at the outdoor street market I found the other night, the kids at school, the officials who want us to have long meals with them, the pace of the place, the pollution, the poverty, the Communist TV show I like. On the Monopoly board, there is that place around the Jail on the corner there that says "Just Visiting". Well, I am not in Jail by any means, but I am not "Just Visiting". If I were, I could send my laundry out in those nice plastic bags they leave in the room and it would come back all clean.